Edging: What it is & why you should be doing it

It isn’t easy practicing patience in the modern world. With a digital revolution behind the wheel, we’re all crammed together in the backseat of a speeding car, mourning our attention spans that have been left behind.

However, when it comes to sex, slowing down can make a world of difference. If you’re looking to bring a woman to an unforgettable climax or just try something new, self control is considered a technique of its own. Welcome to the world of ‘edging’.

What is edging?

The idea is to delay her climax during foreplay or penetrative sex for as long as possible in order to amplify sexual gratification. When you start to sense an upcoming orgasm, you either slow down, change position or pause completely, until her urge to climax subsides. Then, you repeat.

Psychologically, edging operates under this universal truth: if we can’t have it, we will want it even more. As you refrain from release, the desire to orgasm rises. If you repeat this two to three times within one session, edging will make the whole production last even longer.

Why try it?

If you’re in a relationship or you’re simply an altruistic lover, this technique guides you to creating strong sexual chemistry and leveraging it to extend and intensify her orgasmic state. Who wouldn’t want that kind of legendary sex status?

If used skillfully, edging can even buy you more time too. For every time you’re fumbling through foreplay and your penis just isn’t quite keeping up, turn your attention to her. As she begins to climax, take it away, then give it back. Some extra attention for her could mean extra time for you.

MORE: The orgasm gap: What it is, and what you can do about it.

How do you get started?

As with any new habit or routine, finding ways to integrate it into your life is key. If you’re trying this method out, talk to her about it before you get started.

Remember that not every move will work for every woman. If the positions or pleasure techniques you usually use aren’t working, don’t be discouraged. Try something new until you see tangible (or audible) results, and once you get them, stay right where you are. The natural impulse can be to go faster or harder when your partner seems pleased, but often the smallest change can lead to either pushing her over the edge – or worse, pulling her too far back.

And lastly, pay attention. If you do choose not to openly discuss edging before trying it, you’ll need to tap into those non-verbal cues. Some typical signs of arousal include moaning, frowning, goose bumps, muscle tension, erect nipples and temperature changes.

How to do it: Edging during foreplay

Edging during foreplay or non-penetrative sex can be extremely fun, for both of you.

FINGERING

You can start by teasing her: touch her thighs, butt, pelvic bone while never actually reaching her vagina. Next, rub her clitoris using your whole hand, trying back and forth or circular motions, while keeping an eye on her responses. When your fingers are inside her vagina, rather than moving them in and out, bend them back and forth to locate her G-spot. Once she’s approaching climax, let your edging agenda kick in by taking her back to base-level arousal before targeting the clitoris all over again.

ORAL

A lot of women love receiving oral sex, so in the name of edging, try not to rush this stage of the production. You’re aiming to bring her to the point of almost-orgasm, after all. Like fingering, avoid kissing the actual clitoris until the last moment. Go for the lips, breasts or inner-thighs first. Once you do get down there, lick around the clitoris rather than touching it. Then next step is to follow your intuition based on her reactions and get creative. Consider the clitoris the grand finale and you’ll go far in the edging game.

BUTT PLAY

The anus is riddled with nerves, so if you get this right, it can lead to explosive orgasms. However, butt play isn’t for everyone – you’ll need to test it out carefully before you dive into the deep end. Use a lubricated finger to explore the area and keep it shallow to start with. If she seems to like this, you can work your way in deeper. This works in conjunction with fingering and oral sex, to bring her to orgasm even faster – before taking it away.

MORE: How long does she really expect you to last? Find out here.

How to do it: Edging during sex

Okay, so you want to try edging during sex. But how?

PUSH PAUSE

This approach to edging is best used at a more urgent stage of intercourse – when it becomes clear that an orgasm is rapidly approaching. If she’s about to climax soon, simply pull out or pull away. Of course, this calls for a heroic act of self control for your penis on your behalf, but if you time it right, this can give her the most intense orgasm of all.

CREATE A DIVERSION

When things are starting to escalate and she seems as though she’s approaching climax, distract her with an intense sensation somewhere on her body that isn’t the vagina. For example, move to the thighs, nipples or even the anus. This will take her attention away at the last moment and delay final gratification – making it even more explosive when she finally climaxes.

EDGING DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN STOPPING

Rather than pausing completely or distracting her with a left-field movement, stay right where you are: the vagina. As she approaches climax, simply move away from the clitoris. Then once her orgasm begins to fade, move back. This version is like playing with fire, so it’ll require you to be extra intuitive.

When it comes to sex, sometimes you’ve got to shake things up in order to get better results. Edging is a fun and easy way to give your partner a better orgasm, without having to necessarily beeline for the toys or kinky games. You'll have her asking for more in no time – giving you the edge you’ve been looking for.