P.E. How to talk about it when sex is a flop
Premature ejaculation is a sensitive topic, and it’s easy to understand why some men would want to just avoid talking about it for as long as possible (preferably forever). However, not talking about it with your partner is a surefire way to build up resentment, confusion and shame in your relationship, and nobody wants that.
PE is a very common issue, and you should know that your partner probably wants to talk about it with you as well. Open communication is important in all relationships, especially when it comes to sex, so let’s get started and tackle this thing head on.
Where should I have the conversation?
Whether you’re in a long-term partnership or the relationship is new, it can be difficult to find a good time to talk about the intimate stuff. They might be a bit stressed out and tired when they get home from work and maybe you feel awkward about interrupting your nightly catch-up of The Walking Dead with a “dick discussion”.
The fact is, there’s never going to be a perfect time or place to bring up premature ejaculation. But here are some tips to get you started:
- Make sure you both have time for a good, long chat: Try not to pull them aside when they’re about to head out the door for a dinner reservation. Wait for a time when you’ll both be able to properly engage with each other without having to keep an eye on the clock.
- Pick a place where you both feel comfortable: Wherever you decide to have the conversation, make sure it’s in a comfortable space for you both. The conversation will be the most productive if you’re both feeling physically and emotionally at ease.
- Keep alcohol out of it: Liquid courage might seem like a good idea, but resist the temptation to have a few drinks beforehand. The last thing you want is to say something stupid or insensitive, and we’re all aware of how alcohol can turn emotions up to 11 - you don’t want this talk to suddenly turn into a fight.
MORE: We’ve got tips to help you regain your sexual confidence here.
How should I talk about it?
So how do you start? Once you’ve picked your time and place, you should have a think about the type of language you’ll use. It’s important to keep the conversation respectful and open, and avoid getting into personal insults or bringing up grudges.
Here are some ideas to keep the conversation flowing:
- Use ‘I’ statements as much as you can: This will help your partner to see things from your point of view. For example, saying “I feel misunderstood” rather than “You don’t understand” will take the tension out of the conversation and open it up a little more.
- Listen to them: You also want to make sure your partner feels heard too. Try ‘active listening’ by repeating or affirming what they’re saying back to them. For example, “You’re saying that when I climax too early it makes you feel like you’ve done something wrong, is that right?” This will also ensure that you both stay on the same page.
- Be honest: When a conversation is awkward or painful, we can sometimes agree to or say things that we don’t really mean, just in the interest of getting the talking over with. The hard part — starting the conversation — is over, so just stay the course and speak honestly.
- Remember that you both want the same thing: At the end of the day, you both want to have great sex. Keeping this top of mind will help you both go forward together, rather than getting into a fight.
What if they respond badly?
So you’ve picked the right place to have the conversation and you’re using the “I” statements, but how are they going to react? Your partner is going to respond in one of two ways: positively or negatively. Either they will be completely supportive and understanding, or it could turn out that your premature ejaculation is more of an issue than you’d previously thought.
However they respond, it’s important that you listen, keep an open mind and continue talking to them. If they respond well, that’s great. But if they don’t, don’t lose heart. What’s important is that you’re clearing the air between the two of you and this will help to start working towards something better.
What can I do about my premature ejaculation?
You’ve had the conversation and everything’s out on the table between you and your partner. What now? It’s time to focus on the solutions.
You can discuss strategies with your partner on what they’d like you to do for them if you climaxed a little too quickly, and what you can do for yourself.
If you want to stop premature ejaculation, there are a number of PE solutions on the market like numbing sprays and creams, prescription drugs or thicker condoms. However some of these are expensive, have side effects and none of these offer long-term results.
MORE: Find out more about Prolong Control Training here.
One option that doesn’t have any side effects and actually delivers long-lasting, sustainable results is the Prolong Climax Control Training program. For a 😊🍆, Prolong blends the science of the ‘Start-Stop’ method with the only FDA cleared program for climax control, to give you better control over how long you last in bed. Used 3 times a week for 6 weeks, you and your partner will see some serious gains.
Premature ejaculation is something that will affect many men in their lifetime. Chances are you won’t be the first person your partner has encountered this issue with, but you have an opportunity to be the first person they’ve been able to talk about it with. Establishing healthy and supportive lines of communication can help you both deal with all kinds of curve balls that could come up in your future (not to mention a more fun and open sex life)!
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