We’ve heard in the bedroom, confidence is key. But it can be difficult to feel confident if you’re unsure about what your partner actually wants from you. From different communication styles, to some women feeling unable to speak up, it’s not unusual for men to feel a bit confused as to whether or not they’re giving her what she wants.
Because it’s our mission to create better sex for men worldwide, we spoke to 2,000 women in a global survey to find out once and for all: what do women really care about in bed?
How long does she want me to last?
Just over half of the survey respondents said that duration is really is important to a great sexual experience. If their partner takes too long, or doesn’t last long enough, it can disrupt their flow. And it’s the same for men — being anxious about premature ejaculation can often take you out of the moment and into a space in which you’re stressed about putting off orgasm.
Find a happy medium by talking to your partner, and always try to be aware of how they are responding. If they’re unsatisfied with how long you’re lasting, try extending the amount of time you spend on foreplay, or going slower during intercourse
Sex expert Vanessa Muradian of Mia Muse says once your partner is comfortable with you, she’ll feel better about being straightforward on what she expects. “More than likely she’ll want to feel comfortable enough to say what she likes and wants without you getting in your ego and feeling offended.”
MORE: Ever heard of ‘Edging’? You have now. Find out what the deal is here.
Good sex is better than long sex
So while duration plays a big role, a massive 80% of women said that the quality of the sex is actually way more important that the length of time. So...quality. What exactly does that mean?
Vanessa says that her biggest tip is super simple: just slow down.
“Women want you to be present and show initiative, to be curious and to desire her.” Good quality sex is about connection, and mutual satisfaction. Ever jumped into bed and begun to fool around, only to start worrying about climaxing too quickly? Or whether or not she’ll have an orgasm? Or even tomorrow morning’s meeting? Your partner will notice if you’re not completely present, and that doesn’t feel great for them.
Mutual satisfaction can therefore only be achieved if you are both tuned in and feeling connected. Quality sex isn’t about just about giving her a screaming orgasm (although that doesn’t hurt), it’s about making her feel sexy.
Foreplay is important
It’s true that each partner will be looking for and care about different things in the bedroom, but one thing will always remain the same: most women care about foreplay.
The majority of women surveyed said that when it comes to sex, they cared more about the other elements — such as foreplay and oral sex — than intercourse and how long it lasts. Foreplay is the golden ticket to better sex. It gives your partner the time to become fully aroused, and therefore in peak condition to enjoy having sex.
For many woman, penetrative sex before they’re fully aroused is not only uncomfortable, it can be painful. Stimulating the clitoris and surrounding erogenous zone will relax the vaginal muscles, and produce a lubrication that makes sex enjoyable. Foreplay should be part of every sexual experience.
MORE: Foreplay 101. Read more.
Cuddling is important too
Next to foreplay, showing general affection is the second biggest turn on for women. 67% of the women we surveyed think that men underestimate the power of a cuddle. Take note: after sex, don’t leap out of bed right away. Roll over, grab your lady, and give her a big cuddle.
Connecting in an intimate way extends way beyond just sex. It can be the way you speak to your partner, the way you treat her after sex, and how you interact with her in non-sexual situations, too. Feeling safe and appreciated is the biggest turn on for a woman, just as feeling used or cheapened by sex will be what really turns her off.
Premature ejaculation can be a mood killer
It probably comes as little surprise to learn that the majority of female respondents agreed that premature ejaculation put a strain on their relationship. Climaxing too early puts a swift end to sexual experiences, and is just as frustrating for your partner as it is for you. 59% said that they actually stopped having sex as a result. That’s a real bummer.
Don’t panic just yet, though. Tackling the issue of premature ejaculation doesn’t have to involve expensive drugs or numbing sprays. Retraining your body to respond as you want it to is going to be a permanent solution. Prolong is a small device you use when masturbating that, along with a six week training program, is going to solve your premature ejaculation issues for good — we’ve even got the studies to prove it.
MORE: Learn more about controlling your climax here
But PE is not a deal-breaker
When you feel happy and confident in the bedroom, so will she — so finding a solution to premature ejaculation is something that you will work for you both.
Just over half of the women surveyed said that their partner lost their confidence in the bedroom as a result of coming too early. This puts them in a tricky position: bring it up in conversation, and risk stressing you out even more. But not talk about it at all? Then the problem might never get solved.
It’s important to know that having trouble climaxing too early isn’t going to be a deal-breaker. An overwhelming 80% of women say that they wouldn’t break up with someone just because they were dealing with premature ejaculation. That’s your anxieties speaking — so tell that inner voice to pipe down.
Of course, this list could go on and on: give her compliments, let her take the lead, ask her what her fantasies are… but for now, it’s important that you focus on the big three factors. Number one, give her the time she needs to reach climax. Number two, never skip foreplay. And number three, tackle those premature ejaculation issues head on — while it might feel impossible now, the solution is just around the corner.